Final Recollections
by Irish Story Teller
Summary: James Moody reveals his last thoughts and actions as Titanic sinks beneath his feet.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** All _Titanic_ characters belong to their respective owners and to history. I make no claims to them. All non-_Titanic_ characters are mine and made by me. I make no money off this work of fiction. It is written for entertainment purposes only.

The words stung my ears.

_Titanic_ was sinking! How was that possible?

I knew about the iceberg striking the beautiful ship but—damnit!—she was supposed to be _unsinkable_!

My breath hitched in my chest. Over half the people on this ship were going to die and I was helpless to stop it.

My hands went numb as I frantically worked at unhitching the lifeboats. Under normal circumstances I would've joked I could hit my hand against the wall and it would shatter but even the thought of joking made my stomach sink.

"Where are the Marconi operators?" I asked the first White Star Line employee that came across me.

It was a steward and I had no idea if he would even understand me over the hiss of the steam and the racket around us.

"The Cap'n is havin' 'em send out CQD!" The steward shrieked at me.

Or at least that's what I thought he said. He could've cursed me for several hundred years and I wouldn't have been any wiser.

I knew the law of the sea.

Women and children first. That was the beginning and end of it all.

And yet I couldn't help but worry if my friends would survive this disaster.

Jack Phillips, Jack couldn't tell a clean joke if his life depended on it. He could shut down any conversation with just one joke. Maybe two if he was having a bad day.

Harold Bride was another friend. The man couldn't hold his liquor but Jack and I remember how proud he looked when he first was able to don his Marconi uniform. We teased him mercilessly saying that we would have to hide him because all the girls would come flocking to him.

That fiancée of his, her, I did and would not miss.

Lightoller rushed past me quickly giving out orders. I saw him frown suddenly and clamp his hand over his pocket to keep whatever was inside there from annoying him. I had heard the officers had been issued revolvers though I hadn't seen one and certainly hadn't been issued one.

Finally the boat was free!

I could start helping the women and children into it.

Much to my annoyance many of the passengers were reluctant to board. I felt like shouting at them or even shoving them into the boat myself.

"How do you...?" A woman tentatively asked.

"Quit talking and get into the boat!" I shouted. My arm shot out to point at the still many vacant seats.

My brief shout must have worked as a woman carefully stepped in. A crewmember and myself carefully helped her inside followed by another.

The moment I released her I felt a tug on my long coat.

Looking down I saw a small girl holding onto my coat with one arm while holding a rag doll tightly to her chest with the other. Large amber eyes stared up at me as I felt my heart stop.

Where were her parents? Who the hell left their child unattended?

Not knowing what else to do I bent down to pick her up.

"Into the boat, little lass," I said and deposited her inside.

She made no effort to speak. She only stared at me with those large eyes.

"I need more women and children!" I pleaded.


	2. Chapter 2

After placing more children of both genders inside the boat I came across a boy who looked older than fourteen who was with his mother. We had been informed not to allow any boys over fourteen into the boats until the rest of the women and children had been allowed into the boats.

The mother looked so tired and frail I didn't have the heart to turn them away.

I lost track of the faces of the people I helped into the boats. Faces I had never seen before and may never see again.

It was eerie. I expected panic, screams, hell, I had even imagined being shoved overboard in a mass hysteria.

Instead it was mostly quiet. I could hear the sounds of voices and people weeping.

I hated having to separate fathers from their families. I didn't want to see the tears flowing down the faces of the women and children. I wanted to look away and yet I couldn't.

I didn't want to die.

I wanted to live!

I wanted to return home, marry, and start a family.

And yet my work wasn't done. I didn't know if it would ever be done.

_Oh Lord, if I survive this night I promise..._ My silent prayer was interrupted by a girl running up to me.

"Can I get into that boat?" She asked me.

Slowly I managed a smile. "Sure!" I quipped and hoisted her into the boat.

A young stewardess had been instructed to get into my boat in hopes the non-English speaking passengers would follow her example.

I turned around and suddenly found something being pressed against my chest. Looking down I saw something wrapped in a blanket. At first I thought it was someone's lost possessions and was prepared to toss it overboard for sunken treasure when I heard a noise.

I heard an infant's cry.

My head swiveled from side to side wondering just where that infant was squalling from when I realized the noise was coming from the being in my arms!

I had a baby!

My God! I almost threw her overboard!

_**How**__ do you hold one of these?_ I thought.

Holding the squalling infant close to my chest with one arm I peeled back the blanket to see an unhappy infant's face.

My eyes glanced down the clothes to see it was clad in blue.

I held a little girl in my arms. Someone's forgotten baby.

I turned back to the lifeboat and was relieved to see they had not departed.

"Take care of this won't you?" I asked the stewardess as I passed the infant to her.

She took it and gave me the same look I most likely had on my face when I discovered the little one.


	3. Chapter 3

I had instructed Lowe to take Lifeboat 14 with just two words; "You go."

By being the most junior officer it would normally have been my responsibility to take the boat. Instead I instructed Lowe to. When he climbed in I said I would catch another.

I suppose some part of me knew I never would find a boat to climb into and to survive the night.

As the lifeboat was lowered I heard Lowe yell followed by the sound of three gun shots.

I jumped at the sound, as did others. I could hear the screams of surprised and frightened passengers.

I knew Lowe was a man of short temper but he was also levelheaded. He wouldn't have fired his revolver unless he felt it necessary.

Turning around I wanted to find Harold Bride or Jack Phillips in hopes of getting them off this sinking ship. Once again I shouted for them to no avail.

The object, whatever it was, connected with my head before my brain could connect with what had happened.

I never did learn what had torn open the flesh on my face. It felt heavy and solid. Too big to be a bullet but what was it?

Stars exploded inside my head as I was knocked to the ground. I felt my head rudely connect with the deck before my world went black.

The next thing I could remember was being pulled along the deck by my arms.

"Uh...?" I moaned. "Owwwwwwww..."

"He's alive!" A voice said.

Looking up I could see a steward and a male passenger. The steward's coat was half undone and his hair stuck out in every direction revealing the disorganization and break down of authority.

"Who shot you?" The passenger asked.

"No one," I replied. "Something hit me."

I felt the blood run down my cheeks. I wiped at my eyes with my hand to find it smeared with my blood. I could taste it in my mouth. I must have made for a frightening sight with half my face streaked with my blood.

The two men released me much to my gratitude. I wasn't about to have two men drag my body around as if I was some invalid.

My world began to grow wobbly as I feared I would pass out again when I realized it was not me who was losing my balance but the ship was tilting.

Not knowing what else to do I decided to take my chances in the water.

Taking a running head start I performed a leap that would have made an antelope proud.

Once my feet were off the deck I began to wonder if this was such a smart idea after all. It was too late to turn back and with gravity _not_ being my friend I plunged into the water.

_HolyMotherOfGod!_ Was that water cold! When they say it's like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body believe them!

Provided I even surfaced I was convinced I was going to be encased in an ice cube.

Between my swimming know how and my life belt I was able to bob to the surface. The surface brought me no solace as I tried to breathe I felt as if I could not. Panic began to set in my body as I tried harder and harder to get air into my lungs. My chest felt constricted as if someone had me in a tight hug that I could not break free from.

My lungs screamed at me to end this horrible pain. The harder they cried out the more my mind shrieked that I wanted to live. The throbbing agony in my head told me to make up my mind as long as the pain went away.

My arms thrashed around to find something, anything that would keep me alive. I didn't care if I was sitting on the cheapest deck chair or the grandest bed the ship had to offer. I knew I had to get out of this water.

When I learned there was nothing in front of me I tried to turn around in the water when something hit me again.

Bugger.

"Get him! Get him!" A voice ordered.

Something painfully pulled me out of the water by my arms. By how roughly the owner of the hands jerked I feared my shoulders would dislocate. Someone else seized me around my middle and dragged me into the boat. Once I was inside I was so ungracefully dropped.

Again, bugger.

I tried to get a look at my saviors. Much to my annoyance I could not see them.

"Jack! Jack Phillips!"

"Harold Bride!" I called out. Or rather thought I had. The passengers didn't even stare at me. I wondered if I had even said the words out loud.

My mouth continued to form words that I tried to call out. If half of them were heard I did not know.

My eyelids began to droop. As hard as I ordered myself to stay awake my body refused to take my commands. My brain was going to make me sleep whether I liked it or not...


	4. Chapter 4

It is an odd feeling being suspended above my own body as I could see all that was going on.

_Titanic_ was lost.

When did she die?

Was it when I passed out or when I was in the water?

How could I not notice this?

The beautiful ship I had enjoyed serving aboard was now lost to the sea and the ages. The very idea wanted to make me weep. For a minute I thought I did until I realized there were no tears on my face. Could souls even weep?

I suppose I had died shortly before or my soul left my body as I saw my two rescuers examine my body. One of them slapped at my face and another tugged my arms. Without a word they shoved my body overboard and into the icy grip of the water.

I fully expected to feel my body being dumped into the water and yet I felt nothing. Then I realized it; I was no longer cold! My head no longer reminded me of my injury with each beat of my heart.

Tentatively I reached up and touched my head. It seemed like a silly thing to do considering I was _dead_. There was no injury and certainly no blood.

"Hellooooooooo?" I heard Lowe's voice call.

Looking down I saw him in Lifeboat 14. The boat I had told him to go in had now returned to rescue survivors.

"Moody!" Lowe shouted when he spied my body face up in the water. He commanded the men to row towards me. When he was close enough to touch me he grabbed at my life belt before giving me a shake. "Moody! Moody!"

"God dammit!" He shrieked before releasing me. He was not angry with me but rather himself for being forced to wait for so long. A panicked man will grab onto anything and surely would've capsized the little lifeboat. Lowe had no choice but to wait until the cries had died down.

Turning away from my body Lowe looked onward in hopes of finding life. Silently I prayed that he would.

He looked ahead to find a woman with a small child in the water. His jaw opened and closed like that of a fish as for the first time in my life I saw a grown man break down and cry.

Lowe lied about not finding women and children in the water, as I knew he would. The truth would have been too terrible to reveal.

I wondered what would happen to me now? Would I stay in this limbo? Be able to enter heaven? Hell?

Something materialized behind me making me to turn around. I supposed now I would meet my fate.

"Jack Phillips? Mother?" I squawked when I saw the two of them.

Jack looked as if tragedy had never struck him. He looked healthy and strong, just how I last remembered him. He grinned at me when he saw me.

Mother was beautiful as always.

Mother seemed to speak inside my head as she told me it was time to come with her and Jack.

_But I don't want to go!_ I protested. My mouth did not move but my voice was clear as day to me.

_It is time..._

_What about our families? Jack's girlfriend? Our—_

My words were cut off by Mother taking my hands.

_Come my darling son._

_Yes, Mother._

With Mother holding my hands I walked with her and Jack into the light and into the peace. 


End file.
